As the end is coming near, I'm having the saddest days since 2003.
I don't want to go home. I love this drifting life and I want it to continue. I have not been doing anything special, really, as one's character can hardly change. I just don't want to go home, I don't even know why.
People have been asking me why did I come to France. I don't really know. It could have been any country, had I not had the free French classes in high school or chose German instead. I just needed to go away. I didn't know what I want. I never know what I want. Maybe that's my problem.
Ok maybe I really should get a boyfriend. Or something. A goal. Or whatever. I'm helplessly lazy and aimless. That's who I am. Once I let myself offtrack I am unable/unwilling to get myself back. I love my life offtrack. Or technically it's never been ontrack. I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. I don't know what job I'm gonna get. I just take whatever that comes my way as I walk alone, and leave whenever I feel like it. Maybe it's better to be a girl after all.
When I came to my senses I realized I have to go. home, or whatever that is. Regardless the fact that I don't want to. That's what's making me sad, and don't want to do anything right now. Don't want to write my papers. Don't want to study grammers. Don't want to plan my trip for the remaining days. As much as ALL these I really should be doing. I just wanna crash in my bed as if everything will work as I wish as l sleep away. My stare is blank. My mind is blank. My life is blank.
Is it really so bad to just waste your life away?
The French likes to ask if we adapt well in France. For me I have no problem. But I hardly ever had any problem adapting, except (funnily) when the country is China. No, I'm living perfectly well all by myself out here. Am I supposed to be home sick? They say time like this make you think about yourself and what's important in your life. Well, I've been trying to think. So far I can still only think of me. Yes I'm that selfish.
And I think my life is meant to be drifting. And at least so far, I love drifting.
I don't want to go home. I love this drifting life and I want it to continue. I have not been doing anything special, really, as one's character can hardly change. I just don't want to go home, I don't even know why.
People have been asking me why did I come to France. I don't really know. It could have been any country, had I not had the free French classes in high school or chose German instead. I just needed to go away. I didn't know what I want. I never know what I want. Maybe that's my problem.
Ok maybe I really should get a boyfriend. Or something. A goal. Or whatever. I'm helplessly lazy and aimless. That's who I am. Once I let myself offtrack I am unable/unwilling to get myself back. I love my life offtrack. Or technically it's never been ontrack. I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. I don't know what job I'm gonna get. I just take whatever that comes my way as I walk alone, and leave whenever I feel like it. Maybe it's better to be a girl after all.
When I came to my senses I realized I have to go. home, or whatever that is. Regardless the fact that I don't want to. That's what's making me sad, and don't want to do anything right now. Don't want to write my papers. Don't want to study grammers. Don't want to plan my trip for the remaining days. As much as ALL these I really should be doing. I just wanna crash in my bed as if everything will work as I wish as l sleep away. My stare is blank. My mind is blank. My life is blank.
Is it really so bad to just waste your life away?
The French likes to ask if we adapt well in France. For me I have no problem. But I hardly ever had any problem adapting, except (funnily) when the country is China. No, I'm living perfectly well all by myself out here. Am I supposed to be home sick? They say time like this make you think about yourself and what's important in your life. Well, I've been trying to think. So far I can still only think of me. Yes I'm that selfish.
And I think my life is meant to be drifting. And at least so far, I love drifting.
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